New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
