I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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