it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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