We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
