I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
