69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
that is very illegal...i love you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
