I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
