Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
