Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I would ride that face into the sunset
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
