Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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