I faked an abortion last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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