it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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