do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh god it's open bar.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
