its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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