Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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