So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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