My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
