I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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