My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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