Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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