I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
