we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
