I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
