In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
