Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
