Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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