Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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