google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
