If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
