I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
