Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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