John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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