worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
is wine microwaveable?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
