you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
