There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want to make out with him forever
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
