Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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