I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
