she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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