when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
