It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
