I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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