my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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