I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
