I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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