I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
