In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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