i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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