This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Randomize
