I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
