I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she woke up with a sticky ear
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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