she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
