this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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