I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
