Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
