Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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