On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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