I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
