Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
