Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
