My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
