Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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