I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
