a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Everyone says I win the strip club
I deserve this hangover.
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