Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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