you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Panties = found
Randomize
