So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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