Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
