Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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