i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
