I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
