Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
