I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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