OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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