i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
