so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
