The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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