They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
